When Did Booze Become So Middle Class?
[Photo: Blend Images/Rex/Shutterstock]
Ahh, the myth of the middle class drinking problem. We don’t have a drinking problem, darling, it’s just a few drinks after work. The next day hangover isn’t an issue once one’s had a hair of the dog or five…
Goldschläger
The swagger’s shot of choice whilst at uni, bolstered by the legend of the gold flakes cutting into your stomach to get you drunk quicker, the sad fact is it’s just schnapps with gold in it. Completely unnecessary flakes of gold. With no purpose other than being a booze laced with gold. The only person I know who likes it is my cousin, and he’s the type of person that gets excited at the Dolce & Gabanna section in TK Maxx.
[Photo: Deviantart - SecondOfCicero ]
Bacon Vodka
For the times when a bacon breakfast alone doesn’t cut it, why not pair it with a Bloody Mary. And why not turn up the bacon by swapping your regular vodka for bacon vodka? Or better yet, dispense of the faff of a Bloody Mary and need for a bacon breakfast and drink the bacon vodka by itself. Cut the calories but still have the sweet, salty taste of pork in your mouth as you stumble about the day ahead of you.
[Photo: Instructables]
Hot Cross Gin
I’m guessing the process went a little something like this: soak hot cross buns in gin to hide your alcoholism from the kids around Easter. Become so addicted you start squeezing the gin back out of the buns to get drunker quicker. Give up and give in to your addiction. Profit from your sadness. Next up, shots of hot cross bun gin tears!
[Photo: Notonthehighstreet]
PB&J Old Fashioned
For those times when you just don’t have time to make a sandwich and a stiff drink, we present to you the Peanut Butter and Jam Old Fashioned pre-mixed drink in a bottle with a raspberry scented wax seal. Now the only struggle is removing said wax seal quick enough to drown your sorrows as your rush off to meet the accountant.
[Photo: Firebox]
Quinoa Vodka
Not content with stealing the grain from the Andean regions of South America, turning it into a posh alternative to rice and even cous cous, some bright spark decided we should also make vodka from it. Because turning up drunk to Marks and Spencer’s is frowned upon unless the shop assistants can also smell the quinoa on your breath.
[Photo: Firebox]
Michelob Ultra
Hey, wait a minute, beer isn’t middle class, is it? Oh it’s an American beer which is not only low carb and low calorie but also features people working out in its adverts? Like waking up at 5.15 all groggy then running and swimming and cycling and punching underwater then running upstairs with a 6 pack to do it all again? Screw it, count me in, I’ll take 6 of those, please, I’ve only got 5 hours until I have to be up to do it all again.
[Photo: Michelob]
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