Whitley's Believe It Or Not: Kiffin to Notre Dame? Anything goes these days
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Before we check to see if the U.S. Army has mistakenly invaded Sri Lanka and touched off World War III, let’s ponder a real sign of the apocalypse.
Notre Dame head football coach Lane Kiffin.
Hey, why not? The college football coaching carousel has completely spun off its axis the past 72 hours.
Lincoln Riley bolted to USC. Brian Kelly joined the SEC West at LSU. There is shock and awe and enough money being thrown around to buy a mediocre Major League shortstop.
Kelly nabbed a guaranteed deal worth $95 million for 10 years. Riley’s supposedly getting $110 million and a suite at the Beverly Wilshire. Oklahoma is reportedly eyeing Ryan Day and offering him 500,000 head of cattle and free lifetime fill-ups at any Wawa in Norman.
I hesitate to call these guys greedy and disloyal, mainly because I’d be greedy and disloyal too if someone offered me $10 million a year to take a new job.
But please, this latest round of coaching roulette means nobody — especially a coach — should ever again grouse about NIL deals and players transferring and how loyalty is dead.
More: Louisiana coach Billy Napier juggling two jobs this week before starting at Florida
By the time the dominoes stop tumbling, Kiffin might be in Knute Rockne's old office and Luke Fickell might well be at Ohio State. That would mean if Cincinnati and Notre Dame make the playoffs, half the field would be led by interim coaches. I hear Galen Hall’s available.
Nothing should surprise any more, not even Kiffin taking over the Golden Dome. I just hope he takes off his joy buzzer before shaking the Pope’s hand. ...
Stud of the Week: Jim Harbaugh.
Not only did he finally beat Ohio State, Michigan’s coach said he’s giving all his bonus money this year — which could add up to $3 million — to athletic department employees who had to take pay cuts due to the Covid pandemic. I just wish he’d challenge every other multi-millionaire coach to do the same.
Dud of the Week: The Army Cadets who tried to steal Navy’s mascot, Bill the Goat.
They sneaked into a farm and nabbed a goat, but it was Bill No. 34, an arthritic 14-year-old with one horn who’d retired years ago. The cadets apparently couldn’t tell him apart from Bill No. 37, who currently roams the Midshipmen sideline. ...
A moment of silence, please, for Francisca Susano, who passed away last week in the Philippines. She was 124 and the world’s last surviving person born in the 19th century, not counting Tom Brady. May she rest in peace. ...
Recruiting News: Who says the Gators can’t lure 5-star talent?
Florida just got a commitment from the No. 1 ranked recruit in the class of 2023. She’s 5-foot-6 and 135 pounds and has never completed a pass, but 16-year-old Bella Sims from Nevada has already won an Olympic silver medal in the 4x200 free relay.
Coach Anthony Nesty also got a commitment from Melissa Cowen, who holds New Zealand’s national record in the 200-meter breaststroke.
In related news, Georgia’s men’s swimming team, which has not won a national championship before or since 1980, announced it will have open tryouts for anyone who can dogpaddle. ...
An Argentinian doctor says soccer superstar Diego Maradona was buried without his heart last year. In a new book, the doctor said authorities feared soccer fans would raid Maradona’s grave and steal his ticker.
In related news, the U.S. Military Academy has disciplined six members of West Point’s soccer team for stealing Maradona’s pancreas. ...
Irony of the Week: The German Euthanasia Association has issued a directive saying only patients who’ve had Covid vaccinations will be eligible for assisted suicide. ...
Money for Next-to-Nothing: Penn State went 7-5 and James Franklin got a guaranteed 10-year, $70-million deal. Jeez, what would he have been worth if the Nittany Lions had won two more games than the Gators? ...
Update: At his introductory news conference in L.A., Lincoln Riley said he did not take the USC job because it is easier to finish first in the Pac-12 than finish third in the SEC West. He also said he prefers California’s tax rates and real estate prices to those in Oklahoma. ...
Baseball Financial Fever: If you think football coaches are raking it in, the Texas Rangers signed four players in the past week for a total of $561 million. That’s $50 million more than the gross domestic product of Tonga.
The Mets signed Max Scherzer for $130 million for three years. He reportedly threatened to take the Oklahoma Sooners’ job if New York didn’t top $40 million a year. ...
Note to prospective employers looking for washed-up sports columnist: I’m greedy, but that $10 million a year figure is negotiable. ...
Baseball Financial Fever II: Nick Saban’s won seven national championships and makes $9.75 million a year. The Rays just signed pitcher Corey Kubler to a one-year deal with a base salary of $8 million and up to $5 million more in incentives. He won five games last year. ...
What are the odds Randy Shannon coaches Cincinnati and Greg Knox coaches Notre Dame in the playoff championship game? ...
This Just In: The Yankees have signed Nick Saban for $63 million a year. ...
Congratulations to Boston Celtics center Enes Kanter. He became a U.S. citizen Monday and changed his name to Enes Kanter Freedom to celebrate the rights he didn’t have in his native Turkey.
In related news, LeBron James says he will change his name to whatever China wants. ...
Recruiting Update II - Bill No. 38 has announced he’s decommitting from Navy and plans to sign with Georgia. ...
That’s all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. We’ll try again next week unless the South Bend Tribune makes me an offer I can’t refuse.
— David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. And follow him on Twitter: @DavidEWhitley
This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: USC and LSU show how money swamps loyalty in hiring coaches.
