Who's the fairest Big Ten mascot of them all? Joe Blundo ponders the new additions
There’s all this happy talk about how UCLA and the University of Southern California will mesh so well with Big Ten universities, yet not a word on potential mascot dilution.
Let’s address the matter head on.
Has anyone considered that the addition of the two schools to the Big Ten in 2024 will mean that the conference is about to add a third helmeted warrior to its mascot lineup?
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That’s right. Sparty, the buff soldier of Michigan State, and Sir Henry, Rutgers’ plumed Scarlet Knight, will soon have to make way for the University of Southern California’s own vision of a dandy ancient fighter.
Explaining it all gets complicated. Technically, the USC mascot is Traveler, the white horse, not the costumed fighter who rides him. And Rutgers actually seems to have two scarlet knights — a costumed equestrian (yes, with a sword) who rides a horse into the stadium before football games, and the Sir Henry performer who dons a giant cartoon head and handles the traditional sideline cavorting.
Who’s going to keep all this straight?
As for on-field impact, let’s be honest here: Sparty, even unarmed, appears capable of mopping the floor with the USC rider, plus the horse, Purdue Pete and Herbie Husker for good measure.
At the same time, Sparty has what I consider the essential mascot quality of being in on the joke. His head is misproportioned, his outfit is campy — the guy knows he’s a caricature who’d last about 30 seconds on an actual battlefield.
Brutus Buckeye, with his massive noggin, conveys a similar aura. His job is to amuse fans by depicting something that grows on a tree. He knows it’s preposterous.
The USC mascot team lacks such self-awareness. I don’t blame the horse — it can’t help being a noble steed. But the valiant rider galloping with upraised sword, looking as if he’s on leave from the Roman army, is trying too hard to impress. Honestly, USC, it’s football, not the Second Punic War.
And what of Joe Bruin, the bear mascot of UCLA? Well, look, we’ve already got a badger, a wildcat, a golden gopher, a turtle (excuse me, a terrapin), a hawk and a mountain lion. If you’re going to insert another animal into the lineup, it has to be distinctive, which the bear is not.
True, his tail does hang insouciantly out the back of his pants and he does have an upholstered love interest, Josephine Bruin. But otherwise, he’s a teddy bear in a world wildly overpopulated with teddy bears.
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In short, the expanded conference looks like an impending mascot muddle to me.
And lest you think this topic is too trivial to even consider, check out some Big Ten university websites, where the schools post mascot biographies, elaborate brand guidelines and implied threats of copyright lawsuits.
They take their mascots very seriously.
Joe Blundo is a Dispatch columnist.
@joeblundo
This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Big Ten mascots: Who was the best with additions of USC, UCLA?
