Matt Harmon commiserates with the fantasy losers and passes judgement on what they have to do.
(SILLY VOICE) "I'll make this man at my fantasy league wear women's clothing. Wow, I'm so original." You're not original.
All right. It's the Divisional Round Edition of the Fantasy Football Survival Kit. Last week, you know I was surprised by how hilarious, how creative, how-- and honestly, in some cases-- emotionally charged some of your fantasy trophies were. Let's find out what people are doing to the losers in their fantasy leagues. And, again, I'll be honest. I normally don't find how you made another person dress up like a person of the opposite gender, or go out and hold a sign in the middle of traffic saying you suck at fantasy football. I don't find that stuff to be interesting. But once again, as usual, you people, the people, my people, you surprised me with some absolutely hilarious submissions. Let's get right into them.
This first one comes in from @Rob_Rooster. So they came up with a punishment a few years back-- the loser has to wear a wedding dress to the draft. Now I know that I just ranted about this earlier, but here's the key why I think this is a good punishment. The loser has to rent the wedding dress. A wedding dress is expensive, therefore, I think that makes this creative. From one man to another, he's looking good, all right? He's got a good bicep there, that's good stuff. You're kind of pulling off this dress. I don't know if it was that bad of a punishment.
And next-- this one comes in from @WearAMask77, and, yes, you should wear a mask out there. "We just implemented a punishment-- yay me--" Yeah, shout out to you-- that the last place finisher has to wear a "shmedium" Jag's shirt due to our perpetual last place player who retired." That makes sense. Here's a twist, though. It's not just that they got to wear a super tight shmedium shirt. For you jabronies out there who don't know what that means, it means an extra, extra tight shirt, OK? They got to do crunches predraft, and the crunches-- the amount they have to do-- equals the number of Jags losses and your team's losses. So that's about 40. Yikes.
Next. This next one comes in from @KendoVT. In Ocean City-- and, yes, this would happen in Ocean City-- you got to wear these painted nails, the fingernails and the toenails. Look at this guy and the length on these nails. That is going to be problematic, OK? Because you're in Ocean City, I'm sure you're out on the boardwalk, you're trying to get those fries with the vinegar and the Old Bay. Listen, if that sounds disgusting to you, don't add me. Trying to get in that bag of fries, you're trying to drink your drink with those nails, that sounds problematic. Wouldn't want to have to deal with that.
(SINGING) Next. This next one comes in from @HodgyTheBody. Weird. "Last place has to pay off champs fee on top of their own following season as well as wear outfit of champs choice at the draft and serve everyone's drink." I love that, it's simple. Hey, you have to just pay for everyone's drinks. You have to pay the champs fee on top of your own. Keep it simple sometimes, that can be the most effective punishment. Hit him where it hurts, OK? It doesn't hurt in the pride, you get over that, all right? Pride, whatever, that can be bought. Hit him where it hurts-- in the wallet.
[CASH REGISTER RING]
Next. This last one comes in from Chad Carter. "YOU must spend 24 hours straight at a Waffle House. For every waffle you eat, you can cut your time by an hour. 12 waffles eaten means only 12 hours in the Waffle House." (SHOUTING) I love the Waffle House! The Waffle House is an adventure, OK? Every time you go in there, you're going to see some weird stuff. And I could talk for hours. This whole video could be 24 hours about the strange things and weird interactions I've had and I've seen in the Waffle House. That's number 1. So it sounds like you're going to get an adventure out of it. But your punishment is you got to eat your way out? Man, slap the waffles down on my plate. I'll be out of that and some [BLEEP] in an hour, OK? Sign me up for this punishment, that's all I'll say.
That is going to do it for the Divisional Round of the Playoffs Edition and the Fantasy Punishment edition of the Fantasy Football Survival Kit. I think, as a whole, we've got to get a little more creative about these punishments. We've got to make them more personal. We got to pick up some new ideas, we got to figure some more things along the way. And, again, if you can't think of a creative, good punishment, just make people give you money. That's where you're going to hit people. Not in their pride, pride is whatever. Pride can be fixed. As we move forward to 2021, that is my wish for you all, that you come up with some better punishments. And next year when we do this segment, I'm laughing my [BLEEP] off, all right? I wanted to laugh more today, and I didn't.