This Woman's Boss Told Her To Smile More, So She Started "Ugly Smiling" In Meetings As Payback – Now She's Wondering If She Went Too Far
Welcome back, y'all! Last time we chatted, we debated over whether this dad was wrong for telling his son's teacher to "F– off" after they tried to force him to invite his son's whole class to his birthday party. Now, I need your thoughts on this woman who started creepily grinning around the office after her boss told her to smile more.
OWN / Via giphy.com
According to the woman — who goes by u/tiancrow on Reddit, but we'll call her Tia — she works as a tech consultant and is the only woman in her office. "My boss told me I was coming off 'harsh' with clients and said I should be more upbeat and smile more. It felt... Ick. I texted my group chat of coworkers (without the management in it) asking, 'Has BossMan ever told any of you guys to smile more?' It was an immediate round of no's," she said.
"A couple of my coworkers asked if he said that to me and pointed out the double standard. A few of my coworkers joked that some of the clients we have right now don't give them anything to smile about. So then, I asked if any of them had ever been called harsh, and it was again all no's."
20th Century Fox / Via giphy.com
"I told them that the boss had told me to smile more, and one of my coworkers sent me a picture of a girl pulling a silly face with a weird pinched smile and bug-out eyes saying, 'Well, what BossMan says, he gets.' I thought that was hilarious and decided to actually do it," she continued.
"Anyway, I started smiling more and more around my boss... But also a bit stupidly. Just keeping my mouth pinched tensely, gums on display, and purposely pulling my chin back toward my neck so I'd get a double chin.
I never did it in front of actual clients, just my boss, and coworkers who were in on the joke. And my boss kept looking uncomfortable when I did."
Giphy: @desiigner / Via giphy.com
"My boss asked me at a meeting about a week in what that face I was pulling was. I said, 'Uhh what face?' He said, 'That one, just a second ago,' and my coworker said, 'What, she was just smiling? What are you getting at her for?'"
"My boss said, 'It looked like she was pulling a face' and my other coworker pulled out his phone where he had some pictures from a recent happy hour where I was pulling that face to make my coworkers laugh. And he said, 'Dude, what the hell is wrong with you, that's literally her smile? Look at this picture from last Friday' and all of my coworkers backed him up saying that was just how I smile.
My boss was looking kinda incredulous so I clarified that if something makes me spontaneously laugh or grin, it probably looks a little more relaxed, but when I'm just putting on a smile to be polite or pose for a picture, I guess that's how I smile. And I was trying to be polite after he let me know I was coming off 'harsh' in meetings."
20th Century Fox / Via giphy.com
"Anyway, at my next one-on-one meeting, my boss said I didn't need to change my demeanor that much based on his comments, because honestly it was coming off disingenuous and that would look worse in front of clients."
"I just said, 'Yeah, I guess I've never really been good at being super peppy without it looking fake.'
And as far as I know, that was the end of that. But I feel a little bad that I basically gaslit my boss, and my coworkers were in on it, instead of being direct with him and just saying that he was coming across a bit sexist.
Am I the asshole for my fake smile thing?"
Flower Films / Via giphy.com
As one might expect, commenters immediately jumped to Tia's defense, saying she was definitely not the asshole and that her coworkers are some of the best around:
"You sound hilarious and your coworkers sound like the most incredible people on this planet. NTA and thanks for bringing a smile to my own grouchy face."
"She's lucky that she's got such supportive colleagues. There are plenty of people whose colleagues would steer clear of being involved in the discussion."
They also agree that the boss is displaying both sexist and ick behavior:
"Not the asshole. Instant ick from 'you should smile more.' Men feel nothing more than the au-fucking-dacity."
"Your boss is sexist. You should never feel bad — period — for undermining him because he's not worth the grace."
Unfortunately, Tia's story is all too familiar for other working women, and a few shared similar experiences with their own bosses and men in the space:
"When I was 17, I worked as a cashier. And it was always men at least double my age that told me I need to smile. (I never was unfriendly). Some even had discussions with me when I didn't smile for them after this shitty comment."
– Anonymous
"The fact that her coworkers had her back is AMAZING!! I worked in an industry where people were either in their late 20s or late 50s, and it was very male-dominated. The majority of my young coworkers had my back and would say things like, 'I don’t get the joke. Can you explain it to me?' when sexist jokes were made. I love them and appreciated the support."
"I would’ve done a similar thing but less subtle. The instant I’m told to smile more? Ok! Deranged serial killer smile coming right up! And you bet I’ll keep that face on when explaining why I’m smiling like that to look even creepier."
And though the jokes are great, people still feel as though a real conversation with the boss needs to be had so that this never happens again:
"Definitely hilarious! But...I really hope you do have a conversation with the guy about the situation and his sexist BS. It sounds like you would be able to explain it to him in a way that might get him from doing this kinda shit in the future."
