"Have Two Sets Of Shoes": Women Share What They Wished They Knew Before Their Wedding
Whether you've been planning your wedding since you were young, or if you hadn't given it a second thought until you've got a ring on their finger, every bride deserves the perfect wedding day.
Warner Bros. Television Distribution / Via media.giphy.com
And sometimes, that means learning from other brides' mistakes.
Recently, Reddit user u/Puzzleheaded-Yam-411 asked former brides, "What would you have done differently on your Wedding Day?"
Here are some good ones, plus some extra advice from the BuzzFeed Community.
1."My first wedding, I ate literally nothing. Every time somebody called me over to talk to someone, I got up and left my own table to do so, and the waitstaff was highly efficient and did their jobs. Even my untouched cake plate got thrown away after only 5-10 minutes of sitting on the table. At the second wedding, I got wise. We served cocktails and socialized before the ceremony! Afterward, when it was dinner time, I just sat my butt down and ate the food when it came out just like everybody else!"
"Definitely make time to eat, or have a picnic basket packed with reception foods you can share later. DH and I weren't able to eat at all at our reception; I didn't even see the room where the food was set up because I was too busy greeting guests and receiving good wishes. Luckily, my mother and aunts packed us a great assortment of the food, so we got to eat later that evening."
2."I hated my wedding. My ex-husband decided no flowers, no music, no photographer, no alcohol, only black and white, outside in a field. The list goes on, all of which he ran by his mother. My family paid for everything, even though most of the 180 guests were on his side. I want to give every bride-to-be out there one piece of advice and a warning. First, have a voice and spine, and get the wedding you want. This is your day. Second, never settle for a man that wants to have everything his way and talks to his mother instead of you. You deserve better."
3."By far, the biggest mistake at our wedding was not hiring a professional photographer. My wife hired a woman she worked with who seemed to be a decent amateur photographer. However, the pictures she took of our wedding were terrible; I could have taken better pictures. To top it off, this woman loaded the film into her camera incorrectly (This was in the early '80s before digital photography.) before she took pictures of the wedding party after the ceremony, and none of the pictures came out. To make matters worse, she realized what happened and didn’t say anything or tell us we had to reshoot the pictures, so we ended up with nothing and no way to redo them. Then at the reception, we had lots of photographs of the backs of people’s heads — no posed pictures with close friends and co-workers we invited to the wedding."
"I was irate and it caused a serious blowup with my wife, who was already distraught about the whole situation. To add insult to injury, we refused to pay this woman, and she was pissed off and felt she deserved to get paid. We finally gave her $150 just to shut her up and get rid of her. My wife never spoke to her again. So, bottom line, when you’re planning your wedding, do not cheap out on the photographer!"
4."We would have eloped or had a courthouse wedding and a super nice, small intimate dinner to celebrate. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on everyone else’s options on what and how I should plan OUR wedding."
5."As a wedding planner, I would add that you should take several minutes alone with yourself and your new spouse right after the ceremony. You've spent all morning being nervous or worrying and are about to be bombarded by people and a timeline of events, there is no immediate need to jump right into it. Take 10-20 minutes alone with your spouse to catch your breath and share this moment with each other."
6."I would not have worn heels! My feet were killing me by the end of the evening, and to make matters worse, they were new shoes that I had forgotten to break in first. Do not make this mistake, brides-to-be! No one should have to cope with blisters on their wedding night."
"I had to lend my shoes to my new sister-in-law because her bridal heels were murdering her feet and were causing her to hobble around as if someone had punched her pubic bone. It might be a good idea to have two sets of shoes on the wedding day: Bridal shoes for the ceremony and comfortable shoes for the reception."
7."We got married 10 years ago, and I wish we had copies of our vows because neither of us have any idea what we said."
8."I would have paid someone to be in control and make all the decisions that day. I made the cake, decorated, arranged my entire wedding, and on the day, I couldn’t enjoy a second of it because I decided to be the wedding planner as well. I barely remember the event at all."
9."I just wish that I had seen my dress in different lighting or on film before the day of. It had a beautiful mesh panel with beading in the front that gave the illusion of a plunging neckline. With the seamstress, it looked perfectly opaque, but in pictures of the reception, it looks completely sheer! You can see all of my cleavage, and I wasn’t comfortable with that. My aunt swears that it didn’t look like that in person, but now all of my wedding pictures have my boobs front and center. It’s all I can see when I look at them."
10."I'm in the middle of planning my wedding, and I'm so excited and happy about it; however, my father is trying to make everything about him. He's complained about the venue we chose, the food we initially wanted to be catered (pizza, which he said wasn't good enough), and has even threatened not to come to the rehearsal dinner if I don't invite my aunts (his sisters). Part of me wishes we were eloping instead. He has made what is supposed to be something happy a huge headache. If I could go back in time, I'd stop myself from paying deposits on all the things we've booked and elope somewhere with just a handful of people and have a party later. It's too late to do that, but I've decided I'm going to keep him out of the wedding planning process from now on. It's my wedding, not his, and I am still excited about it."
11."My hair. I had it all planned out in this elegant updo bun, but my bridesmaids convinced me at the last minute to have it down and curled, and said, 'It will look better with your roots.' I don’t like the way it looks in the pictures, and I regret not being more confident with what I wanted."
12."I would’ve hired a videographer. We did have a great photographer, but money was super tight, and we couldn’t afford it, but I wish we’d even set up a video camera on a tripod."
"Back in the '90s, we didn't spend the money to video the wedding. Since then, so many guests have passed away. I wish I could see them or hear their voices one more time. It's my biggest regret."
13."I would have done a makeup trial OR been more firm about how I wanted my makeup done. Everyone said that I looked stunning, but I felt like I was melted and tired-looking halfway through."
14."I wish that I had gone from table to table with my husband and gotten a photo of us with every guest that attended. Not each individual person, but everyone sitting at the table. I only had 10 tables so it wouldn't have taken long, and then I would actually remember who came 20 years later. I had a guest book, but not even half of the people who came actually signed it."
—575
15."I’ve been a bridal consultant for over 12 years. My advice on dresses: Bring only your immediate family (mom, dad, sisters, grandmas). The more opinions, the worse off you are. The only opinion that matters is yours. Also, the vast majority of people will not remember what your dress looks like after your wedding. So again, make sure you feel beautiful, screw everyone else. Finally, please be open to color. I’m not talking hot pink, but most dresses will come in blush and champagne tones that not only flatter most people’s skin tones better but also make the dresses look higher quality. There’s a reason the designer sent their sample to us in that ivory/champagne combination. It looks better! Don’t get stuck on the word 'white.'"
16."I think the simplest change I could make is to just have waited. I still would've married my husband, but if I had been a bit older, I would have known more of what I wanted and been more confident about asking for it. We got married in my husband's childhood home, in the backyard. While that was nice from a sentimental perspective and saved us a lot of money, our wedding party ended up having to do a lot of work. We didn't get to just enjoy our time with them as much as we should've. We also invited too many acquaintances and not enough family in order to avoid 'drama,' but looking back, I barely knew half the people at my tiny wedding. If you can, take your time! If all goes well, it'll be a one-time event in your life!"
17."I should have asked for help. My best friend/matron of honor and most of my bridesmaids were states away, so I planned everything myself. Being practical and on a small budget meant that I was also overly careful with how I spent money, and I kept my mother-in-law away because her taste is completely opposite to mine. All of this meant that a few things slipped through the cracks, and I look back with some regret."
18."We had around 175 guests, and we knew maybe 30, apart from our immediate families. Our parents had so many people they wanted to invite, and they were paying, but we haven't seen any of those people since, apart from family. I would do smaller and simpler."
19."I’ve been married almost 20 years, and I loved my wedding! But we got married before a lot of DIY and very personalized options were available, and there are so many neat little things I’d want to incorporate now if I did it again."
20."I would’ve figured out a babysitter for our toddler during the prep time. We had a very small destination wedding in Colorado. My mom ended up watching him while I got ready, and I didn’t get many pictures alone with her, having her help me get ready, etc."
—Christine Barsanti
21."I have always wanted a dress with straps for my wedding, but when I went shopping, I fell in love with a strapless dress. I wish that I had stuck to my original plan because although my dress was beautiful, I kept having to pull it up all day long because I didn’t take into account how heavy it was."
—KTO
22."I wish that I had gotten one more slow dance with my husband. We got married two weeks ago, and we both agreed that we would take time out during the reception to sneak in another dance or two together, but it didn’t happen. Every time we turned around, the other disappeared with another group. Not that it wasn’t the best day of my life and the most fun wedding I’ve ever even been to, but we didn’t have another slow dance."
—Jennifer Wilson
23."Don’t let your parents force you to invite relatives you barely know or like."
24."This one is my biggest regret that would be easy to fix: I'd make sure to tell the photographer who my close family members are so that he made sure to capture them on the photos. I have a lot of pictures, but my siblings are just in maybe two of them, and I only have a few pictures with my parents on them. Some of them were made only because I specifically requested that we pose for them."
25."Chosen a different dress. I’m still in love with my dress, but I chose a heavy satin dress, and I got married in August. In several outside photos, I have streaks in my makeup because I’m sweating so bad. Also, I would have gotten someone better to do my makeup."
26."We were waiting for marriage to have sex and really rushed the wedding because of it. People kept asking me what I cared about and wanted for the wedding when really, I just wanted to be married. I didn't want the wedding. I wish that we had eloped privately and planned an actual 'wedding' further into the future."
27."I wish I didn't have it during the lockdown. Due to restrictions and social distancing, only my two witnesses (my mum and sister) could attend and see us get married. Then my husband, who was taking part in a COVID study where he got tested once a week, got a text while we driving to our wedding breakfast that said that he had tested positive for COVID. We had to miss our own wedding breakfast and go straight home and isolate ourselves. My mum and sister had driven two hours to our wedding, and also had to get back in their cars and drive straight home and isolate, as they had been in contact with us. So we never got to celebrate."
28."I wish that we would have slept in the same room the night before. We had already been together for five years at that point, living together for three, and I would have slept better if he was there, too."
29."Remembered to take a change of clothes with me to the hotel so I didn’t have to leave the next morning in my wedding dress like some kind of crazy-ass walk of shame."
30."If you can't afford it, don't do it. Please don't go into debt for one day! Those Pinterest photos are beautiful and convinced me I needed everything. Mine could have been done for much less had I let go of the idea of perfection. Pick the top three things, and spend your money there. Seven years later, much of that doesn't matter, and I'm just finally paying it off."
31."Remembered to hydrate. Almost passing out because you're seriously dehydrated and too nauseous to eat isn't a great look. In my defense, we didn't expect it to be 90 degrees Fahrenheit, and my wedding dress was a heavy ball gown."
32."I wish that we had hired someone to set up the ceremony. We had it at an outdoor amphitheater, and my husband ended up driving a U-Haul with all our stuff up a mountain. He was exhausted and frustrated by the time it was ceremony time."
33."Kept the details to myself. I had a mother-in-law and a sister-in-law that had way too many opinions and made me feel so small and inconvenient. My sister-in-law was especially awful. She was incredibly jealous, as she was older and single, and with every detail that I shared, she'd say, 'Oh that's my wedding date!' 'That was supposed to be my color theme.' I almost eloped."
34.My father-in-law is an ordained minister, so the original plan was to have him do a quick ceremony on the weekend, and then we'd sign the marriage papers. Nothing big, just a nice little get-together with family. But instead, my father-in-law and mother-in-law decided to go out of town that weekend because they were 'bored' and felt like traveling, but didn't bother telling us this. Instead, they dropped by unannounced early one morning with a couple of their friends. My father-in-law handed us the papers and had us sign them. I was still in my pajamas, hadn't showered, and was in the middle of a work meeting (I was working from home). There was no ceremony, no vows, we just signed a paper, and they immediately left."
"Seven years later, I'm still furious to the point of tears about the whole thing. My husband and I are barely scraping by on one income (we have two special needs children who require specific care that isn't supported around here), so that was really my only opportunity for a wedding. I wasn't even asking for much to begin with."
35."If you want to make sure to say 'Hi' to everyone, do a line at the reception if anything, but don’t take your time to walk around to each couple/person/table. You’ll spend all of your time doing that and won’t have time to do your own things."
36."I would have changed my dress and not have felt pressured into buying the one I wore. It was a beautiful dress, and everyone said how amazing I looked, but I just didn’t feel like it was THE dress."
37."We wouldn't have been idiots and abandoned my sister-in-law at the restaurant where we dined after the civil ceremony. There were many people, many cars, but we were halfway home with another guest before I said, 'Where's Anne?' OH GOD, I still get cringe all over thinking about it. AUGH!"
38."I would have had my doggy of 10 years there with us. He passed away unexpectedly a few months after we got married. It was only my hubby, his aunt and uncle as our witnesses, and his brother there. I know his auntie would have held his leash for us, and he absolutely adored her. So that is a big regret for me."
