Note: This post contains mention of rape.
You know the saying, "Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one"? Well, some of those opinions are 100% red flags and indicative of the person's overall character. In fact, they can be a dead giveaway on who you should be wary of or downright avoid — especially today, wherein civil rights are at risk after SCOTUS overturned Roe, and ignorant people feel empowered to openly assert their misogynistic and hateful beliefs.
Recently, u/neonroli47 asked women, "What opinion have you heard someone express to you that made you scared of them?" In response, many women shared instances wherein men expressed an opinion that immediately set off red flags:
1."'Listen, I know you don't want to believe it, but basically, men are biologically designed to hunt, and that includes hunt women. It's in our nature to rape and just take what we want.' He said that on our second date."
2."A seemingly sweet and sensitive guy who I was seeing suddenly became really glazed over and told me how angry he was at women and that they're to blame for relationships failing. His face went red, and his eyes were welling up. It went over him like a wave, and then he returned to being all sweet and nice."
"I never really trusted him after that." —u/magical_bunny
3."That people who choose to be child-free are selfish."
4."I was in a class about sexual harassment. The teacher told us a story about a baron and his wife. The baron was supposed to go on a trip and told his wife not to leave, and that if she did, something terrible would happen to her. The wife leaves to go see her lover. When she tries to get back into the castle, the gatekeeper won't let her because he was ordered to kill her if she left. She tries to get help from friends, but no one will help her, so the gatekeeper kills her. At the end, the teacher asked us who was responsible for the wife being killed. The majority of men in the room said it was her fault because she cheated and disobeyed her husband. This was before I was supposed to deploy with these men in the Army."
5."'A woman can say no and later say yes. So when she says no, it’s a challenge to change her mind.' I literally don’t care what context this is in. Anyone who has this mindset when it comes to women is scary."
"I don’t want to be in their vicinity." —u/shockedpikachu123
6."I was dating someone who said he can't take women in his workplace seriously when they give him instructions unless they are bigger than him (e.g., taller, heavier, etc.). He would also often tell me that he had dreams of killing women. He thought of himself being so progressive."
"We didn't date for long after that for obvious reasons." —u/witch_hekate92
7."When I expressed absolute disgust at men who prey on teens, a male relative said, 'A man can't be expected to ignore a 16-year-old girl when she’s in his lap.' My response was, 'So you're OK with a grown man fucking a child?' His response? 'If she knows what's she's doing, it's her fault, and he shouldn't get in trouble for it.'"
"Thus, the story of how I learned that he’s OK with at least some level of child sexual abuse." —u/mmkaytheniguess
8."That my uterus counts more than me."
9."I had a ridiculous debate with a man who believed fat people should not be allowed to own clothes."
"That's a scary level of anti-fatness." —u/EBSD
10."On a first date, a guy — a really big guy with probably 150 pounds on me — told me, 'It's not rape if you yell SURPRISE first; then it's just surprise sex.' It didn't scare me, but my momma didn't raise no fool. I told the barista that I was having an issue, and it took about 15 seconds before he handed me off to the kitchen to keep me out of sight as they hauled the guy out of the place. They even comped me a sandwich and a tea while I waited to be sure the guy left and walked me to my car just in case."
11."That rape is understandable in a war, and that they would probably do it, too."
12."A few months ago, there was a story on the news wherein a man fought with his girlfriend and pushed her off a cliff. My uncle said something along the lines of, 'She probably did something to trigger him.'"
13."When I was in university, I was talking about how the part in Twilight where Edward follows Bella home and watches her sleep is essentially stalking and utterly terrifying. My friend at the time, eyes popping out, bewildered at my opinion, said, 'Are you kidding? I'd love that! Don't you find that totally romantic? [His then-girlfriend's name] would really love that.'"
"That moment should have been a foreboding sign of what kind of person he was, but I thought he was being facetious despite how creeped out I was.
He turned out to be one of the worst people I've ever met." —u/ianhartless
14."'I feel sorry for them, but honestly, if they're walking alone and in quiet places at night, what do they expect to happen?' This was said by my ex, regarding women who get raped."
"He got dumped the next day." —u/AnyoneButMee
15."I literally had someone I used to work with, back in college, ask if I would go out with him. I wasn't interested in him romantically, so I said no. Then he said, and I quote, 'I'll make you change your mind. You'll say yes. Also, I wouldn't trust any food I give you in the future.' (This was especially weird as he'd never offered me anything up to that point, but I digress.) The outright suggestion that he'd drug me and/or coerce me was enough to get me the hell away from him."
"Another time, I asked a friend to drive me to the dentist for an emergency since I had no car. Afterward, he asked if I'd be his girlfriend, and I said no. He then asked me to be his 'Facebook status' girlfriend, and I said no again. THEN, he drove me down a quiet backroad, parked, and said he could 'rape me and no one would know.' I thank God every day that I got out of that situation without any harm.
People who can't take no for an answer are immediately out of my life. No questions asked." —u/Momoreau
16."'Old people should be euthanized when over 75,' said some dude in my philosophy class. It was not a weird joke, and he was not playing devil's advocate. It was his genuine opinion that he then continued to defend with passion. He also believes the world would be better if we were all brainwashed into believing the same thing and having the same goal. While I am not physically afraid of him, I am very afraid he is going to become a cult leader or other serious criminal in the future."
17."He said that he did not allow his better-educated wife to spend her own salary without his permission. Her salary was higher than his, and he was dumb as fuck. He also decides his wife's bedtime."
"He genuinely believes women cannot make any decision." —u/Apotak
18."A colleague once told me that women weren't meant for the workforce. I usually speak up when I don't agree with something, so I asked why. He said, 'Women were designed to stay home and breastfeed, while men don't have anything blocking them to go to work.'"
19."My ex-roommate/friend said that he's sick of going into town and seeing beautiful women with 'troglodyte' men who treat them like shit. I asked him if he'd actually seen this, and he didn't answer. Instead, he just went off about how he should treat women like shit because they clearly love being abused."
20."'Nice guys finish last.' IMMEDIATELY NO."
21."'I won't let you get fat.' ... 'Yeah, maybe after kids, for a little while, but not forever.'"
22."A coworker posted a photo of the gun his wife gave him for Christmas on Facebook with the comment: 'I can't wait to use this to protect my family.' Not: 'I can't wait to go hunting/get in some target practice.' Not: 'I hope it's never necessary, but I'm glad I have it to protect my family.' He legit hopes he gets to shoot someone."
23."I went on a date with a guy, and he was telling me that he loved going to sports bars like Hooters and Twin Peaks. His favorite time to go was lingerie nights. He said that he enjoys going to the bars on Saturday nights so that he can watch women in tiny skirts, shirts, and dresses cat fight. He added, 'They're drunk enough to act like that in public. Imagine what they'd do in private.' Then, he winked at me."
"The next day, he called me and asked me out again. After our first date, I felt so uncomfortable and grossed out, I blocked him." —u/justanotherperson218
24."Anytime a man says that he wishes things would go back to the way they were in the '50s, it's an instant nope from me. It's been said to me so casually by coworkers. It automatically tells me that I should be cautious because they don't see me as an equal."
Have you ever heard someone express similarly red-flag-covered sentiments? I know I have. If you have, too, how did you react? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below.
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.