Yes, ‘Ted Lasso’ is profane. But I let my teens watch for the emotionally healthy men

“You let your kids watch ‘Ted Lasso’?” The question just hung there for a moment while I tried to decide if my wife and I were being judged or commended for our parenting choices.

“Of course,” I replied. “They absolutely love it.”

“I wouldn’t let my children watch it. The profanity, the locker room humor, it all seems so … inappropriate.”

And judged it is.

The implication, or at least my inference of it, being that a show about the lives of professional athletes would somehow negatively impact my teenage boys, one of whom is a dedicated athlete in his own right. He spends a decent amount of time in locker rooms, where the lessons of fictional role models are put into real-world practice.

I was pretty sure this person had never seen the show, because how dare they.

If they had, they would have known that the men in the locker room of “Ted Lasso” were not grabbing anyone by their respective body parts, but instead subverting toxic stereotypes regarding male athletes. That said, the profanity was a good point.

“They do swear a lot,” said my son, all 15 years of him, covered in sweat and seat belt. We were on our way home from the tournament he had played in, the sidelines of which had been the setting for the conversation above. I had asked for his opinion.

“But so do you,” he added.

That’s fair. We don’t make a big deal out of cursing in our home, especially if it is used correctly. Bonus points for creativity. It’s easy to state that my boys are old enough now that we don’t place restrictions on their vocabulary, but the truth is we never have. We find far more offense in meaning than semantics. Funny enough, the boys have never taken to it.

And while I certainly dabble, I do hope an open appreciation of profanity is not the only thing I have in common with the characters of “Ted Lasso,” whose complex stories are each as compelling as the next. The show, which just won seven Emmy Awards for its first season on Apple TV+, is a master class in positive relationships, mental health and modern masculinity. It is as nuanced as it is honest, which isn’t really what I expected when I first started watching. At the time, I figured it would be something for a laugh, full of fish-out-of-water stereotypes and tea jokes. Which it is, and so much more.

“I like how they listen to each other,” said my 18-year-old son, up to his elbows in hot water and dirty dishes. I had asked for his thoughts over dinner, and now he was handing them to me one clean platter at a time. It was my turn to dry. “They give each other a hard time, and even when they aren’t nice, they are still really supportive. They care. They are kind.”

And therein lies the beauty of “Ted Lasso”: While it is technically a show about soccer, it is the aforementioned locker room — not the football pitches of varying size — where the real work gets done. Yes, there is rowdy horseplay and a bit of mean-spirited hazing in the earlier episodes, but as the show moves into season two, the space is not only a literal changing room, but also a room for change that allows the players to grow, improve, bond and cope.

Much of the transformation comes at the behest of Coach Lasso (played by Jason Sudeikis, who, like his character, calls Kansas City home), prone as he is to optimism and better versions of oneself. There are plenty of lessons for everyone, but these in particular resonated with me for my kids:

▪ Positive portrayals of men. As the father of two boys who check a lot of privilege boxes, I don’t have to look far to find representation in the media. Unfortunately, it’s often negative (albeit accurate), clinging as it is to outdated concepts of masculinity and stereotypes that are still openly embraced by far too many. Add the exhausted excuses of “That’s just how men are” or “Boys will be boys” to the mix, and this generation of boys could be repeating old patterns: same patriarchy, new body spray. After all, it’s just locker room talk.

The locker room of “Ted Lasso,” however, quickly evolves from a playground to a confessional, an awakening equal parts barbershop and support group. The examples of healthy relationships are downright inspiring, and the way those relationships move through the world with dignity, empathy, respect, consent and good humor, not to mention an emphasis on the lost art of listening, is next-level “hope that sinks in” stuff.

▪ The theme of forgiveness. For the characters of “Ted Lasso,” forgiveness is given freely or earned through struggle, sometimes as the result of personal awakening, other times as the unexpected benefit of peer influence and an ever-expanding worldview.

Perhaps no moment better exemplifies the depths of the show’s grace than when, in season one, a rather cruel scheme by club owner Rebecca Welton (Hannah Waddingham), of which Ted is the unknowing patsy, reaches its apex. In many shows, a reveal of this magnitude would lead to several episodes of hurt feelings and revenge-fueled one-upmanship. Not so on “Ted Lasso.” After a guilt-ridden Rebecca comes clean and apologizes to Ted, he listens to her story, rises to meet her and says, “I forgive you.”

That was when all of my suspicions about “Ted Lasso” were confirmed. This show is different. It is special. My kids need to see this.

▪ “Be curious, not judgmental.” In a pivotal moment, Ted faces Rebecca’s ex-husband, Rupert Mannion (Anthony Head), in a game of darts that could decide the fate of the football club. Rupert is everything that Ted is not, a brash and petty serial womanizer strutting through life with his chest out. Just as it looks like Rupert may have won, Ted prepares for his last turn, and while doing so shares a story about seeing the quote “Be curious, not judgmental.” He describes how others have underestimated him his whole life:

“All them fellas who used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything figured out. So they judged everything. And they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me, who I was, had nothing to do with it. Because if they were curious, they would have asked questions. You know, questions like: Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?”

Ted wins the game, not to mention the adoration of a packed pub filled with the club’s fans. And even though “be curious, not judgmental” is misattributed to Walt Whitman, those words are incredibly inspiring. It is exactly the kind of thing I want my boys to see, and something that I make every effort to model, painfully flawed as I am, in both my own actions as well as by the company I keep. The fact that my boys can find similar inspiration for modern masculinity in contemporary pop culture, hooked as they are on “Ted Lasso” just like the rest of the country (minus one person, apparently), makes it a whole lot easier.

Consider the words of Phoebe (Elodie Blomfield), the young, insightful niece of foulmouthed soccer legend Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein), who, in the eighth episode of season two, bestows an amazing nugget of wisdom upon her Uncle. Roy, lamenting the possibility that he may be a bad influence on Phoebe, potentially infecting her with the worst parts of himself, earnestly confesses to his niece, “ ’Cause you are better than me.”

To which Phoebe responds, “I’m as good as the best you.”

It’s just so human, and simple and earnest, made all the greater by the fact that my kids are on the couch, curled between popcorn, their mother and me, taking in every ounce of scripted sincerity, swear words and all.

Additionally, the way the show deals with grief, insecurity, anxiety and every conceivable hurdle to meaningful relationships, whether platonic, familial or romantic, provides ample conversation starters for those of us playing along at home. They are conversations the kids are actually happy to have, because they reflect our respective thoughts on something we love together as seen through our own individual lens, just fiction enough to savor the realness of it.

“How is the ‘Ted Lasso’ locker room different than yours?” I had asked my youngest son earlier, during our long drive home.

“I don’t play soccer,” he said, laughing without a hint of profanity.

I, however, may have cursed a little, just under my breath. His smile caught the kindness.

Whit Honea is the author of “The Parents’ Phrase Book: Hundreds of Easy, Useful Phrases, Scripts, and Techniques for Every Situation.” He’s on Twitter @whithonea.

‘Ted Lasso’ season finale

New episodes of “Ted Lasso” launch on Fridays on Apple TV+. The 12th and final episode of season two debuts Oct. 8. Expect season three to arrive next summer.