Young people on TikTok are supporting one another’s decision to go ‘no contact’ with their parents
Gen Z creators have been known to get candid on TikTok, especially when it comes to delving into their strained relationships with one or both parents. In fact, this past summer, a Toronto-based creator spoke on the “disrespect” that daughters endure at the hands of their toxic fathers.
In a similar vein, TikTokers are discussing their decision to go “no contact” with one or both of their parents, and young people on the app are supporting that sometimes difficult decision.
Ameya Marie Okamoto (@ameyamarieokamoto), a New York City artist and nail technician, spoke on the importance of respecting someone’s decision to go no contact with family members, as well as their right to privacy about their personal situations.
“If you come across people who have had to make this very hard decision to go no contact with their born-given support system, which maybe was not a support system for them, do not offer your f***ing opinion,” Okamoto said on Aug. 7. “It’s not your place … they do not have to explain themselves to you.”
Several TikTok users, presumably those who connected with Okamoto’s video, took to her comments to share how often they feel the need to “validate” their decision to go no contact.
“This irks me soooo much bc i always feel like i have to revalidate my decision over and over,” @hillyhayborn wrote in response to the video.
“People act like I’m the crazy person and that I need to have that relationship,” @contrashelby also commented. “I’ve cried myself to sleep too many times.”
“My inner child doesn’t understand but adult me is protecting us and sometimes I just be like that,” @wendyslife10 replied.
For his 2020 book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, author Karl Andrew Pillemer, a professor of human development at Cornell University, conducted a survey and found that about one in four Americans are believed to be estranged from another family member, according to the BBC.
“The declaration of ‘I am done’ with a family member is a powerful and distinct phenomenon. It is different from family feuds, from high-conflict situations and from relationships that are emotionally distant but still include contact,” he told the news outlet.
Cutting off a parent or loved one, according to Steve Carleton, a licensed clinical social worker, is a “multifaceted decision.”
“There can be numerous contributing factors for this choice, such as enduring physical, emotional, or psychological abuse,” he told In The Know by Yahoo in an email. “In some instances, the patterns of toxic behavior persist over time, leaving the individual feeling drained, manipulated, or belittled.
“The decision to go ‘no contact’ can serve as a protective mechanism to safeguard one’s mental health and wellbeing. It’s a way of drawing a line in the sand, of prioritizing self-care and personal growth over familial bonds,” he added. “Cutting off a parent or loved one may seem like an extreme measure, but for many individuals, it’s a necessary step towards reclaiming their personal agency and creating healthy boundaries.”
On Sept. 22, Gabi (@buttchickencheesestick), whose TikTok bio reads that she is a licensed graduate social worker and children’s therapist, revealed in a post that she felt Olivia Rodrigo‘s track “The Grudge” off her sophomore album GUTS accurately describes a person’s choice to go no contact with a parent.
“This song hits different when you’re no contact with a parent who’s made a lot of choices to hurt people,” she adds in text overlaying her video.
And Lawyer Bae (@adayinthelifeoflawyerbae) argued in a video that parents shouldn’t be praised for taking care of and providing for the children they chose to have.
“Wasn’t this your choice to have a kid? You had me, that’s what you were supposed to do,” she said on Sept. 14. “You get no gold star for doing what you’re supposed to do.”
Bunny Hedaya (@bunnyhedaya) shared her perspective as someone who chose to go no contact with her mother, who has since died.
“My mom told me that my whole life, ‘You’re gonna regret every time you’ve talked to me, whatever… The fact of the matter is that I don’t feel that way,” she revealed on Aug. 28.
Prior to her mother’s death, Hedaya contemplated having a conversation with her to let her know the ways that she’d hurt her. Ultimately, though, she decided not to bring it up.
“Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about being no contact or minimal contact … because you may actually regret the interactions that you have with that person.”
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