Zombies, drag queens, party cruises and Cheez-Its: A Florida news quiz
It’s time again to test your knowledge on the wild, wacky and wince-inducing headlines from around Florida.
Carnival Cruise Lines recently announced it’s cracking down on what?
A. Passengers sneaking booze on board
B. Passengers sneaking marijuana on board
C. Passengers trying to book more than four guests in a single cabin
D. Passengers requesting the Macarena during line-dance sessions
Answer: B. Since some Carnival ships were starting to smell like the S.S. Mary Jane, the cruise line is busting out drug dogs for embarking passengers. Not to make arrests, just to keep the wacky tobacky off board. That said, the Macarena is also frowned upon as guests are kindly encouraged to instead Wobble or do the Cupid Shuffle.
Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody went to court to argue that Florida’s new crackdown on “adult live performances” doesn’t actually target drag queens. What did one of the bill’s loudest advocates, Brevard Rep. Randy Fine, say prompted him to file the House version of this bill?
A. Drag queens (as he said on Facebook)
B. Drag queens (as he said on Twitter)
C. Drag queens (as he said in a legislative hearing)
D. All of the above
Answer: D. What’s the legal term for trying to gaslight a federal judge?
Florida argues new law doesn’t target drag shows
After three years of hosting the Cheez-It Bowl, Orlando’s Camping World Stadium found a new title sponsor for its ACC-Big 12 matchup game. What will replace Cheez-Its?
A. Snickers
B. Lean Cuisine
C. Pop-Tarts
D. Funyuns
Answer: C. Something about Orlando seems to attract hyphenated, high-carb snack food. I’m OK with that, especially since “The Pop-Tart Bowl” is fun to say. Still, let the record reflect that Funyuns are America’s most underrated junk food.
Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie jumped back into the race for the White House. And while he’s not expected to have much of a chance, Christie absolutely obliterated one candidate from Florida during the 2016 debates. The showdown was so memorable, that candidate took to Twitter Tuesday to defend the pummeling he took from Christie seven years ago. Who was it?
A. Jeb Bush
B. Marco Rubio
C. Donald Trump
D. Mickey Mouse
Answer: B. Mickey probably would’ve fared better than Rubio. The South Florida senator choked when Christie challenged him to say something beyond the “memorized 30-second speech” Rubio had said so many times before. He couldn’t do so. Much of America winced back then and still remembers today, which is why Rubio took to Twitter this week to defend himself, arguing he failed because he listened to bad debate-coaching advice. Rubio also wanted to tell his critics that his campaign was stronger than some people recall, noting he “almost won Virginia.”
Rock Springs in Orange County’s Kelly Park temporarily closed this past week. Why?
A. Pollution
B. Deadly amoeba
C. An alligator alert
D. State legislators heard a drag queen might be canoeing in the area
Answer: C. This is one of those toothy problems most states don’t encounter.
Covenant House, one of Orange County’s few emergency homeless shelters for young adults, announced it will soon close because of a lack of funding. One leading nonprofit executive described the news as “devastating.” At the same time the 28-bed crisis facility ran out of money, members of a county task force were considering funding requests for what?
A. $600 million to expand the convention center again
B. $975 million for a baseball stadium.
C. $800 million to renovate and put a roof on Camping World Stadium.
D. All of the above
Answer: D. The task force is considering spending plans for hotel-tax money. State and local leaders stress that budgetary rules say they can’t spend that money on things that would benefit our community in general. But state and local leaders also wrote those budgetary rules … and could, of course, change them. In a related footnote, the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. often observed that “budgets are moral documents.”
What Florida attraction is being demolished?
A. Splendid China
B. The Holy Land Experience
C. Terror on Church Street
D. Terror in Tallahassee
Answer: B. The former Bible-themed attraction off Interstate 4 looked like it was enduring the seventh plague of powerful earthquakes as its Colosseum crumbled. But this destruction was actually man-made as the attraction shuttered a few years back and AdventHealth bought the property.
On the heels of two special legislative sessions to address the state’s property insurance crisis, Floridians learned what this past week?
A. Florida’s largest insurer, state-run Citizens, is planning double-digit rate increases
B. Rates are rising faster in Florida than any other state
C. New reports accused carriers of underpaying customers for legitimate claims
D. All of the above.
Answer: D. Yes, it appears Tallahassee lawmakers tackled the insurance crisis with all the efficacy of a Hindenburg architect. Florida rates have climbed at nearly triple the national average in recent years and are expected to go higher. But lawmakers did pass new laws regarding what kind of pronouns can be used in schools. So there’s that.
Which of the following zombie-like headlines is real?
A. “Brain-hungry zombies roam state Capitol … and leave starving”
B. “Survey: 7 out of 10 Floridians prefer a zombie to their current state rep”
C. “Undead candidate: ‘I figure I couldn’t do any worse.’”
D. “Bitten by relative, Tampa Bay man infected with flesh-eating bacteria”
Answer: D. Among the many disturbing lines in that story was a note that the surgeon “was not expecting to encounter so much infected flesh.” So there’s your final piece of advice today: Please stop biting each other. But if you must do so, please use Listerine to lower the bacteria count.
