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‘Million Mustache March’ planned for April to encourage growth of facial hair (and the economy)

Chris Moody, Yahoo News
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At long last, the mustache lobby is coming to Washington.

The American Mustache Institute (AMI) is planning a "Million Mustache March" on the nation's capital, part of an ongoing campaign to convince lawmakers to create government incentives to grow facial hair. Rally organizers plan to mobilize their mustache-wearing compatriots on April 1 at the White House and march to Capitol Hill.

Their rallying cry: Pass the "Stimulus To Allow Critical Hair Expenses," or STACHE Act, which would "provide a $250 annual tax deduction for expenditures on mustache grooming supplies." According to AMI research, mustached Americans earn 4.3 percent more money than "clean-shaven Americans" on average per yer. Therefore incentivising mustache growth would boost the economy.

"Given the clear link between the growing and maintenance of mustaches and incremental income, it appears clear that mustache maintenance costs qualify for and should be considered as a deductible expense related to the production of income under Internal Revenue Code Section 212," wrote Dr. John Yeutter, a tax policy professor at Northeastern State University, in a 2010 white paper supporting the legislation.

The subsidy, according to a 2010 proposal , would cover all products required for any proper mustache-wearing patriot, including:

  • Mustache and beard trimming instruments
  • Weightless conditioning agents and wax
  • Facial hair coloring products (for men and women over 43 years of age)
  • Bacon
  • Mustache combs and mirrors
  • Burt Reynolds wallet-sized photos

The campaign's backers have recruited celebrities to help support the cause, including guitarist John Oats, Ellie Kemper of "The Office" and Milwaukee Brewers pitcher John Axford. Each will produce videos to inspire mustached activists to support the STACHE Act. In total seriousness: The group has also secured a promise from H&R Block to donate a charity that provides clean drinking water for each person who participates in the march.

AMI members are planning a press conference Monday on Capitol Hill to outline the details of the initiative.

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