Gary Brown: More questions about the meaning of life
More random questions about the meaning of life:
• If a sign in front of new construction calls it a coming gas station and "corner market," but the construction site is midway on the street between two corners, is it really a corner market or is it more a "middle of the road market?"
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• Why, so often, when you answer a random solicitor's call with 'Hello,' does the caller immediately hang up, as if that man or machine suddenly didn't want to talk to you? Wasn't the whole idea to try to sell you something, or get you to donate to something, which would mean they needed you to answer the phone in the first place?
• In my lifetime we went from three major television networks, and maybe a UHF or public television channel or two, to dozens of cable channels and an ever-increasing number of streaming services through which an almost unlimited number of movies and TV series are available. Why is it still so difficult to find something we want to watch?
• And, whose job is it – mine or my loved one's – to search and find the show or film we'll watch tonight?
• If you start off with a new pencil and sharpen it, then use it and resharpen it – countless times – how short should it be before you figure you've gotten your money's worth out of it and start sharpening a new one?
Sports, social media and relationships
• If I am skimming social media and my loved one is looking through online recipes for the air fryer, and we are sitting next to each other on the couch, are we arguably sharing quality time together?
• Why does it seem so necessary as sports fans to have distinct levels of rooting interest in teams that descend in order of priorities we establish in our minds – teams we rooted for as kids, followed by teams we adopted as adults, followed by teams with players on them that used to play for teams we liked, followed by teams playing teams we hate, etc. – and thus we always have a team we prefer and maybe can bet on during an end-of-the-season playoff series?
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• Is the timeless family debate over whether the toilet paper should roll over or under a personal preference, a scientifically proven fact, or just a really handy reason to get into a fight with a loved one over some other irritating thing that has absolutely nothing to do with bathroom tissue?
• If you set a glass on a counter less than an inch from the edge, where your loved one is likely to knock it off, who is to blame – you, the exciting risk-taker type of person, or your loved one, the clumsy oaf?
• How do you hurry along a breakfast partner who seems to be trying to order up the answer to the question "Which came first, the chicken or the egg," instead of just deciding between scrambled or sunny-side-up?
• Is there ever a good time or way or reason to answer the question, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
About life in general
• We've been around more or less the same amount of time, so why do women appear to know, well, almost everything about men, but men seem to have learned nearly nothing about women?
• Does it really matter, if it's the winter of 2024, and, picking between two jars of peanut butter, you open the "best if used by" jar dated Jan. 30, 2025, before the one dated Nov. 17, 2024? And, if so, do the same sort of strict expiration deadlines apply to dry cereal that you're going to soften up with milk anyway?
• If the universe really is expanding, as astronomers claim, should we all be investing in new free real estate at the outside edge, bequeathing it to the people who will be our posterity a few million light years from now?
• Did anyone from NASA, in a moment of frustration over an error in a simple task by the flight team, ever say, "Hey, people, this is not rocket science..."?
• And, did anyone who has said, "It's like putting lipstick on a pig," ever actually try it, only to find out that lipstick, and maybe a little eyeliner and rouge, really does make a pig look, at least marginally, better?
• Assuming that real intelligence hasn't given us any of the answers to these questions, and never will, can artificial intelligence help give us a clue?
Reach Gary at gary.brown.rep@gmail.com. On Twitter: @gbrownREP.
This article originally appeared on The Alliance Review: Gary Brown: More questions about the meaning of life
