How Tyre Nichols' parents stood strong in their publicized grief, focused on son's life

In the last year, RowVaughn Wells has been thrust into the spotlight.

She would go to the grocery store and people would recognize her. Some people would give her a hug, others would ask for pictures. Then they'd tell her that her family was in their prayers. She attended a number of ceremonies where parks and structures were named in honor of her son.

She went to the nation's capital, invited by President Joe Biden to be a guest for his first State of the Union address, and the spotlight was placed on her when the president spoke about police reform.

She would go on national television and be asked to talk about her son. She would be asked about the men charged with killing him and then asked how to prevent the next death from happening.

In the year since her son, Tyre Nichols, was fatally beaten by officers from the Memphis Police Department, Wells had to grieve publicly and became the face of mothers whose children were killed by police.

"It's been terrible," Wells told The Commercial Appeal in a recent interview.

"I'm a homebody. I'm an introvert. I'm used to being by myself, at home, minding my own business. I go to work every day, then I come home. Being thrust into all of this has been a lot — having to deal with the public. Some days I don't mind, but then some days I just want to be left alone."

Wells said she is always grateful for those prayers, and she credits God for keeping her strong over the last year, but said the publicity has made it difficult to heal wounds that are unthinkable to most parents.

"I don't want to be bothered sometimes because I'm grieving," she said. "You know, I don't know what grieving is. I've never lost a child, so I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

She also said she draws strength from her three other children, each of them older than Nichols, and her husband, Rodney Wells. Without them, she said, "I'd probably be in the looney bin, in the hospital."

Though she spent the year preparing for the first anniversary of her son's death, the holidays hit her harder than she expected.

"I actually was in the bed for two weeks," she said. "I just couldn't get the energy because it was coming up to my son's death. I have to relive this again."

But she also sees the need to be in the spotlight to continue working towards justice, because, as she put simply, "He should still be here."

Within a few weeks of her son's death, Wells was placed next to the family of Gershun Freeman, a man who died after an altercation with Shelby County corrections officers in the Shelby County Jail, for a press conference. After that press conference, she said she began to understand some of the pressures the spotlight would place on her.

"They put a lot more emphasis on Tyre's murder than they do the others," she said. "And I know why, to a degree, but that's not fair. Tyre might have been a little bit more squeaky clean than the others, but that was still a life. Regardless of if [someone] had been jailed or anything, it was a life."

In that press conference, which had been called to bring attention to Freeman's death, Wells said the reporters focused on her.

"I made a point to never stand with another [family] unless we're all standing together as one," Wells said, referencing all families of police violence victims.

Remembering Tyre Nichols for the life he lived, not the way he died

At a vigil on Jan. 7 marking one year since he died, RowVaughn held up an image of her son that was printed on a poster board. It was a selfie of Nichols, sporting a smile that was passed down from his mother.

Wells said when people think of Nichols, she would like for their mind to go "to a beautiful place."

"When people hear Tyre's name, I want them to smile," she said. "I don't want them to say, 'That's that young man who got murdered by the Memphis Police Department.' I want them to say, 'That's that beautiful young man that loves photography and loves to smile.'"

More: 'Anxiety, frustration and fear': Has Memphis healed a year after Tyre Nichols' death?

Both RowVaughn and Rodney remembered Nichols' savviness with technology, the pride he took in his work and his love of giving gifts.

RowVaughn specifically recalled the last Christmas they shared, when Nichols bought her a pair of Converse. She said Nichols had walked into the room on his toes, nearly skipping with happiness, to deliver the box to her.

"When I opened them up, I was like, 'Oh, Ty, I like these,'" RowVaughn said. "He was so excited because he was a mama's boy. He was so excited. I tried them on, and he asked, 'They fit?' I was like, 'Yes, I think so.' 'So I can throw away the receipt?' And I said, 'Yes, you can throw it away.' He was so happy... He was just so ecstatic because I love those shoes."

Rodney worked alongside Nichols at a FedEx warehouse, and remembered his son as a man with "a very good spirit," adding that Nichols' "aura was phenomenal."

"Ty would not let you walk past him without giving him a hug," Rodney said. "Everybody at my job for those six to eight months that he worked there loved him to death — from all departments. The funny thing is, when he first started, they didn't think he was gonna make it because Ty is, like I said, into tech. He's into working for phone companies, like T-Mobile. He's not really a 'quote-unquote 'warehouse person.' But he found his niche. And when he found his niche, he just exploded in it."

RowVaughn and Rodney asking Nichols for help when they had problems with technology at home became instinct, RowVaughn said. So much so that she still calls on him for help when technology acts up, or when she can't find something.

"We call on Ty," RowVaughn said.

"To this day," Rodney followed up.

"To this day," RowVaughn echoed.

"When I'll tell him, 'Ty, mama lost this, can you please find it for her? Just tell mama where it is, because I can't find it,'" RowVaughn said. "And he'll find it. He'll direct me to it, eventually."

Lucas Finton is a criminal justice reporter with The Commercial Appeal. He can be reached at Lucas.Finton@commercialappeal.com, or (901)208-3922, and followed on X, formerly known as Twitter, @LucasFinton.

This article originally appeared on Memphis Commercial Appeal: Tyre Nichols' parents talk about grieving in the public eye, remembering son